I am coming up on my 39th Birthday…I FEEL like I am okay in my skin..As long as I don’t log on to the internet, see people, let’s be honest. For some reason I try really hard to “Act” like I am great, that every thing is perfect…It’s not. There are a lot of things I would like to change about ME… I maybe a little nervous about becoming 40. And I don’t want to feel insecure with me at 40!!! Here is a great example the person on the left is who I always want look like and feel like, but the person on the right is who I generally am: So for today this is my hard thing, I am showing you the me that hasn’t showered does not get enough sleep and hasn’t even brushed my hair. But that’s ok? ? I don’t think so….but I should think so? So confusing…
I think I am having these feelings because recently I have read a couple of articles about Women and our NEED for us to be PERFECT! Who defines that? Or the big debate between women who work outside of the home and those who go to work… The last couple years I have been on a “YOU have to be at home to be a GREAT MOM” kick… REALLY? what would have my 26-year-old self thought? I was working FULL time, going to school FULL time and trying to raise my son all on my own. I couldn’t stay home with him unless I went on housing and collected food stamps…..
First off I whole-heartedly believe we each need to make a decision that is best for us and our families, it is NO ONE’s business what you decide or why. I think my feelings was coming from my own insecurities… That I was a horrible Mom to my first son because I wasn’t available to him more… Did I try very hard? YES, Did I try as much as possible to spend quality time with him? YES… Did I do the best I could? I think so, but according to my 35-year-old self, I was a HORRIBLE mom!! Really? hmmm. Changed opinion.
So my point is I want my children to feel like they can do anything, that they are amazing people just because of who they are, and that they can make this world a better place… But how can they do that if they aren’t secure in who they are? and how can I teach them to be secure in themselves if I am not even secure with me??? So I am starting with me! I want my kids to be accepting of others and the journey that each of us get to take in this world.. So I hope by me learning how to be more accepting of me and my “flaws” I can teach my children better.
For today I would like to shower more. GROSS, right, but I really don’t have the time, I continually put more things on my plate to make me feel???? I have no idea. Do I really not have the time? Not sure… I want to better manage my time. I really am not great at time management. I always have a goal to change that, I have read many suggestions on how to do it…. I just haven’t found anything that fits for ME!! I won’t shower this morning…I will tonight. I would give you all the excuses I have for not doing it now..but I have accepted this for myself.
I am going to go on a small journey for the next month, no the next year… I want to be more accepting of me! So join me if you want. I want to LOVE me, I want to be a better person. I want to have others feel better just by being around me. I want to make my world a better place.